Get Real!

I think I think too much sometimes. When I sit down to write, my heart usually overflows with so many thought, my flying fingers can't type fast enough. When at last the tap runs dry, I go through each line and pick it apart. I painstakingly review each thought, wondering whether it's what I should be saying, whether someone could take offense, or who will find fault with it. What's up with human nature? Most of us mask, guard and hide our true selves so no one can ever see what's real. Ok, we all have had some, or many, experiences in our pasts which have taught us that we can't trust others to accept us. Too often, though, our worst critic lives inside our own brain.

What I want to say - what I really want to shout from the mountain top is that I have found the only One who knows me best - and He loves me, not only as much as any earthly father could, but a million times more! I am free! Free from the shame of who I used to be, and from any guilt for who I am now! You, too, are free if you believe in Him and the work He did on the cross! How long it took me to understand! (Will I ever really understand?)

To truly grasp why that fact means so much to me, you would have to know my "story". It is a long, twisted, soul-wrenching story of personal agony turned into redemptive joy. It is a story of abandonment, loss, sin, addiction, searching, depression, miscarriage, anger, tears, death, divorce, hopelessness, hate and panic. How can I sit here today with peace in my heart, love in my soul, bursting with gratitude and yearning to share it all with others? There is only one answer. The amazing, miraculous, grace of God.

"Jesus said..."I have something to tell you...two men owed money to a certain money lender. One owed him five hundred denarii (one denarii equaled about a day's wages), and the other, fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he cancelled the debts of both. Now which man will love him more?"

Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt cancelled."

"You have judged correctly," Jesus said..."Her many sins have been forgiven, so she loves much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." (Luke 7:40-43, 47 NIV)

My debt has been cancelled. The debt was huge! If I worked all my life trying to be "good", it would never make up for all the "bad" I did. This is why I write, and let's face it - it's time to "get real"! Who are we really kidding when we pretend to be so much better than we are? Who am I helping if I put myself out there acting as though I've never felt what you felt, questioned the way you question, stumbled the way you stumbled, or reached up to God in all my sin and shame? There are enough "perfect" people out there who we can admire. My own personal testimony demands that I remember how great the day of my salvation truly was. I have stopped comparing my "goodness" or "badness" to those around me. There will always be someone who is "better", and someone who is "worse". So what? Jesus meets us all where we are and He knows how much our redemption cost. There is no comparison when it comes to how wrong we are without Him, and how right we are in His eyes when we embrace Him as our Lord and Savior!

My story is my own. It is a wonderful and exciting story to tell, even as I relate the desolate path that led me to the peace of Jesus and His cross! As I write my story in the posts of this blog, it is my prayer that you will be touched. Not by me, but by the One who took the mess that was my life and created something new and beautiful in my heart. Maybe, just maybe, something you read will tug at your heart. You might realize that you can reach out to the Hand that is already held out to you. Perhaps there will be something you can relate to. Some prison you find yourself held captive in. There is a way out. I know. I've been there. I had a life sentence, and I received a full pardon! There is no greater gift to a convict who has lived years, decades, in a cramped, windowless cell than complete and total freedom!

I want to share this journey with you. I want to pray for you, though I may not know you.

Heavenly Father,
How I thank you with every fiber of my being for Your love! I'm so glad you are my Father, my Friend, the only One I can turn to every moment of the day. How I cherish Your presence and comfort! My singing heart wants to run and find the weary, the sad, the discouraged ones and bring them to Your loving arms. Please help me show them You. Please touch them today, Lord. Let them know that they can come to You, just as they are. They don't have to "clean up" their lives ahead of time. All they have to do is give you their broken dreams, and You will heal their crushed hearts and lives and give them their own song to sing! It is with joy that I pray, and trust You to work mightily! Thank you, Jesus, and in Your name...