Temperance: Moderation or self restraint in action, statement, etc.; self-control (dictionary.com)
Wow, this post is tough for me to write. It seems that self-control is easy when life is easy, but not so much when the going gets tough. Case-in-point...tonight I texted my friend, Kris, that I was eating carrot cake just for that 'frosting coma feeling'. Don't look at me like that - you know exactly what I'm talking about!
It's been pretty stressful at work with some changes in procedures, staffing and general busy-ness. I've been expressing my own 'stress' in various ways, both in the way I unwind and also in my conversation. This week has not been a stellar week by any stretch of the imagination. As I drove to work this morning, I prayed that God would help me. Do you ever have those two-word prayers? "Help! Me!"
Lately, I sense a spirit of self-reliance in myself, which leads to frustration and negativity. Note to self - don't rely on 'you'. You'll let yourself down every time. If I don't admit this to the Lord, it grows darker each day. I notice I have more to be ashamed of when I replay the day's conversations and actions. I have less to be peaceful about.
I struggle with the flesh daily. God has given me victory in so many areas - I was an addict years ago and turned to alcohol for pain-numbing distraction from life. There are other areas I still struggle with. The desire for a 'frosting coma' still exists, among other things. The temptation to express frustration in a self-serving way lurks in the dark recesses and comes out when I am weary. All of these things are in direct contrast to the fruit - the satisfying fruit - of self-control.
I recently heard a 'self-control' message on my local radio station, WDER. The subject was a verse:
Galatians 6:7
King James Version (KJV)
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
The preacher said something I won't forget for a long time...
We are deceiving ourselves when we sow fleshy 'fruits', believing that there will be no harvest. The consequences don't usually hit us right away, so we happily plant the seeds of self-service. In 'real life', what happens when we plant a tiny, little, harmless tomato seed? When the plant grows, we don't just get one tomato from that one seed. We get ten tomatoes. Wow. I never thought of it that way. I used to subconsciously think if I sowed a tiny little seed, I'd get a tiny little rotten fruit I could throw into the woods and start over. Perhaps not. It's a sobering thought.
If I say that one unkind word in my frustration or anger, I may reap (I have reaped) years of unforgiveness and misunderstanding. I remember having a two-hour conversation with my daughter, making restitution for a ten word sentence blurted out in anger almost three years earlier.
Self-control. Temperance. I am unworthy to write my thoughts on this. I am a sower, and not necessarily yet a reaper of the unhealthy, unkind, reckless, out-of-control behaviors I have 'enjoyed' as I planted seed after seed in my past, and yes, even in the present.
What does it boil down to for me? Breaking bad habits is a matter of trust. When I say I 'can't' break the habit, I'm not trusting the Lord to be my all-in-all. God knows our tricks. He knows I am certain that if I fail in these areas today, I am planning on throwing myself at His mercy tomorrow, asking Him to erase the consequences.
It's time to stop planning on 'using' God's grace tomorrow to fix the results of our sins today. He's smarter than that, and truth be told, so are we. My former pastor used to lovingly say, when someone came to him with a failed marriage after an affair, health problems from poor habits, loss of loved ones for alcohol addiction, "What did you think was going to happen?" What, indeed.
Temperance is the end of the fruit in Galatians 5:22, 23. We're all sowing, all the time. Sowing seeds of hate, divisiveness, lack of self-control and self pity grow fields of 'rotten tomatoes'. When we sow the Spirit into our hearts and lives, we will reap an abundance of fruit. Fruit that is beautiful, delicious and fit for nourishment of those around us.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Like I said, I am the last person who should attempt to write a post about self-control. It's been staring me in the face since my last post, and I knew I had to do it. It is my prayer that this post will bless and help someone - anyone who can relate. It is also my prayer that I will refer back to it often and gain strength to trust the Lord to 'Help! Me!'
