A year ago, I decided to write to my kids, one at a time. Life got in the way, and I was married to my job. God has a way of removing the obstacles. I now have plenty of time to use my gifts for His glory. Initially, I balked, but realized I have this time to spend with God and for Him, regardless of what brought me to this place of solitude and reflection. I don't know how long I will have this time, but I want to honor Him during these moments - for as long as I find myself on this plateau. And so, nearly a year after I wrote a blog-letter to my first born, I now write from my heart to my second oldest - Mark Daniel, my Danny. I know you may not appreciate this letter to you now, and my openness might make you cringe, but there will be a time when you will understand what I'm trying to express to you, and I hope you might print this and hold on to it until that day.
My first son, my joy and my blessing, I love you. I still remember, after having your sister, that I asked your father whether he wanted another girl or a boy. He said it didn't matter either way, and even after we found out your gender, I was elated, but your dad just smiled. You came into the world after only an hour and a half of labor. As we drove away from the hospital, your dad looked at me, smiled and said, "I've got my son!". Even though you are a 'junior', you proved very early on that you were your own person, forging your own path with a fervor that is uniquely yours.
I love your intensity, dear Danny. As a little one, and please forgive me for telling this story for the umpteenth time, each day was either the best or the worst day of your life! There was nothing bland about you or the way that you lived, or viewed life. I often joked that I never could use hand-me-downs for any of my kids. Shelli only had two younger brothers, and a sister born 17 years later. You - oh my, the knees of your pants were usually threadbare if not ripped within about a month or two, so your little brother never got to inherit them. But I loved the reason for your threadbare knees and even wrote a poem about them once upon a time. The reason was that no matter what you did, you did it with all your might! Now that you're older, you have mellowed some, but that intensity is still there under the surface. To this day, in all that you do, you are focused and intent, whether that's playing video games (who knew you would actually grow up and put that experience to use, working once at a gaming store!), at work, or even keeping your life organized.
I love your soft heart, my son. When you were little, all the girls would flock to you, but not in the way many would think. At VBS, school or church, you were friendly, talking and laughing with the girls as much as the boys. Back then, you already had the secret to unlocking a woman's heart. Communication! I also remember going trick-or-treating with our friends, Sue and her kids. You were very close in age to her older boys, who were maybe 7 or 8 years old. As most kids do, they ran ahead, house after house, but you hung back with their little sister, possibly three years old, to make sure she was doing ok. As Sue and I watched from a distance, she brought this to my attention, and I was so proud of you. I hadn't really noticed because it was just something I normally expected from you. How I wish now that I would have praised you more for all those natural things you always did from the heart growing up!
I love your bravery and tenacity, my son. I've seen that courage and 'bring it on' attitude from you so much more than you give yourself credit for, Danny. Sometimes we think we don't have courage in the worst of times, but it's probably because we're thinking about it, if that makes sense. When God allows you to be put in a situation that you need to quickly respond to, you rise to the occasion and give it everything you've got! That's courage, with a little something more. Maybe what I'm going to write about doesn't belong in a tribute, but I remember when I got the call from your school saying you were suspended for being in a fight. You came home and I asked you about it. You told me the other guy 'sucker punched' you, and as a reflex, you hit him back. I heard from an officer at the high school later that day, who told me he was able to view the school video of what happened at your locker. You had told me the truth. You were just turning around from your locker and the other kid punched you. Reflexively, you punched him back. If I'm remembering right, your face was fine. The other guy needed stitches after his teeth went completely through his bottom lip. You protected yourself, even though you were anything BUT a fighter. I'm not saying fighting is admirable. I'm saying you can be counted on to do what it takes, scared or not.
I love how you care for the elderly, Danny. Just as little girls used to fight for the seat next to you because you laughed with them and treated them like 'one of the guys', your calling in working with elderly, frail men, mostly retired veterans, reassures them that they are also, still 'one of the guys'. These men, barely able to walk, remember, and even see - come alive with old war stories, and become heroes once again, because they are your hero. You don't just sit and listen to your clients, you cook and clean for them, dress them and help them with their personal needs, helping them maintain their dignity and independence. You've even sat with a client at 4 am and listened to hours of polka music, because that's what comforted him. Oh, Danny, if you could only see the blessings in heaven that are waiting for you because of your tenderness and care! You and I have had heart-to-heart conversations about what makes a man successful. It's true - there is hardly any monetary reward for the hours of love you have invested in these forgotten old men, and that's the rough reality of it all. But successful? I'd say, based on God and the value He places on the beauty of life, start to finish, and true compassionate love, you are one of the most successful men I know, and I mean that with all my heart!
My son, I love that you continue to follow the Lord, step by step, stumble by stumble, as we Christians do. You have been through much, and you have turned it all over to the Lord. I admire so much that you have found stability through the craziness of life. Stability with your precious 'girl', who is family to all of us after these 5 and a half years of watching you both grow up together! When you two first met, neither of you were interested in the things of the Lord. I admire you both so very much for listening to Him, seeking Him together, and allowing God to turn your relationship into one of submission to Him. We all have a long way to go, but you are willing to walk by faith and not by sight. You and Kay are an example of turning away from the bad and embracing the good, knowing that God is a God of second chances! I love that I have a young child who sees that her brother is willing to stand against the majority and wait until marriage to enjoy all the blessings of intimacy. She may not understand that right now, but one day she will, and it is my thankful prayer that your decisions today will help her be strong when the time comes. I'm so thankful for you both!
I love your ability to make people around you laugh, no matter what! I still remember a time when I was telling you and your brother about my decision to move away from where we were living, and I was asking you what you thought. The conversation was pretty heavy until you interjected that the violin music in the background made it feel like we were in a movie. We continued to talk, with much laughter at the 'Terms of Endearment-ish' music accompanying our conversation. I tried to get you boys to be serious, but couldn't because I was laughing, too. At our family game nights, it's you who has us all rolling on the floor in fits of laughter! We need more of those nights! Your quick wit and wonderful sense of humor is such a blessing to those around you.
If this were the last time I could ever speak to you, I would encourage you to trust God through it all, until your very last breath. I know you believe in God, and I want you to believe in yourself, too. Whatever lies ahead for you - you can do it, with God's help. I know you can! Continue to love the people that cross your path - God will put them there, knowing He can trust you to bless them and care for them. Discover the dream that God has placed in your heart - the one that won't die. That dream is the one that you will achieve because you just can't shake it. It might take a lot of time and hard work to get there, but it's worth it.
Psalm 37:4: Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. (NIV) I believe that verse means that God, Himself, will give you the desire for that one thing. And once you can figure out what that one thing is, He will also put you on the road that leads there, guiding you until you have reached and taken possession of that desire. Remember that all the facets of your personality can cut both ways. Use that tenacity, that courage and your contact with those who need your helping hand, always for good. Be proud of how far you've come and work hard and patiently wait for the Lord to lead you the rest of the way. If you and Kay should one day marry, selflessly love her, putting her needs first. You have been blessed to have someone who already does that for you. Above all else, know that I love you, and that God loves you even more!
