Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
It's Been a Year
Every morning I wake up and listen to music as I get ready for work. Lately, I listen to the Easter's "Going Away Party" on a CD that one of my close friends gave me a few months ago. Without fail, I think of my "little Gram", and how completely she loved the Lord.
Yesterday marked a year since Gram passed on to heaven. I still remember the morning I woke up, didn't hear her stirring in her room, so I puttered around in the kitchen making her breakfast with bran cereal, yogurt and bananas. I took out the notebook I wrote in everyday to mark her sleep/awake times, and also meals and anything else pertinent to the day. This notebook was a little tattered. I had been writing in it for a few months. After I finished making her breakfast, I opened the notebook, entered her breakfast menu, then jotted "awake at 8 am", after a quick glance at the clock. I hurried into her room to pull up the shades and help her welcome a new day. I realized that she was no longer with us as soon as I opened the door and called her name. I thought to phone her family across the street, but didn't tell her daughter-in-law what I already knew. It just didn't seem right over the phone. As soon as I heard the downstairs door open, I met Naida at the door and shook my head. The rest of the morning was a blur, as was the weekend. I was grieving, yet, so thankful that Gram was with her Savior. I missed her - I saw her everywhere, and that first night without her was so quiet and surreal (as many nights have been since, when memories of her sweetly occupy my mind). I had a 16th birthday "party" to throw for my son, between the day she left us and the day of her funeral. My son, Michael, needed to know that he was not forgotten through it all.
The morning of the funeral, I took care of getting the family ready and made the drive to the funeral. We arrived early for the wake. As I walked through the door, Naida, who had been the first person to stand with me in Gram's bedroom, walked toward me and said, "Elizabeth - look at her!" My feet somehow carried me to where Gram lay, and my heart sent a crashing wave through my body. Tears streaming down, I could only stare at the form in front of me. Lovely, peaceful, radiant and joyous can not even describe what I saw. Gram looked younger and brighter. Many of us marvelled that we had never seen anything like it. I thanked God for giving me one last look at "Gram", in such a state of beauty. It's true, she was lovely, yet she was no longer "there". Gram was transported to Glory, and had no more need of her earthly shell. Somehow, the amazing radiance we viewed then was for us, and us alone. Gram was "home".
The year since she passed has been a whirlwind, yet I still "see" her little form, stooped just a bit, guiding her walker around the corner to greet me in the living room. I stand at the stove, and remember being a young girl, watching Gram heat up leftovers in the old frying pan. I pull out her paring knife to peel an apple, smiling inside when my little one asks for the "peels", as I used to ask Gram.
I remember Gram often talking about all the girls at the Boylston Home whenever anyone asked if she stayed in touch with any of them as adults. She rarely, if ever, mentioned me. One day, licking my wounds, I asked her why she never introduced me as a girl from "The Home", when questioned. Gram's eyes opened wide as she looked at me and said, "I didn't think of it. You're not a girl from The Home - you're "my" girl!"
I hope you will listen to the song in the following post. Gram was a dear wife, sister, mother, grandmother, friend and foster mother. But when it came to Jesus, she was, and still is, "His" girl!
Yesterday marked a year since Gram passed on to heaven. I still remember the morning I woke up, didn't hear her stirring in her room, so I puttered around in the kitchen making her breakfast with bran cereal, yogurt and bananas. I took out the notebook I wrote in everyday to mark her sleep/awake times, and also meals and anything else pertinent to the day. This notebook was a little tattered. I had been writing in it for a few months. After I finished making her breakfast, I opened the notebook, entered her breakfast menu, then jotted "awake at 8 am", after a quick glance at the clock. I hurried into her room to pull up the shades and help her welcome a new day. I realized that she was no longer with us as soon as I opened the door and called her name. I thought to phone her family across the street, but didn't tell her daughter-in-law what I already knew. It just didn't seem right over the phone. As soon as I heard the downstairs door open, I met Naida at the door and shook my head. The rest of the morning was a blur, as was the weekend. I was grieving, yet, so thankful that Gram was with her Savior. I missed her - I saw her everywhere, and that first night without her was so quiet and surreal (as many nights have been since, when memories of her sweetly occupy my mind). I had a 16th birthday "party" to throw for my son, between the day she left us and the day of her funeral. My son, Michael, needed to know that he was not forgotten through it all.
The morning of the funeral, I took care of getting the family ready and made the drive to the funeral. We arrived early for the wake. As I walked through the door, Naida, who had been the first person to stand with me in Gram's bedroom, walked toward me and said, "Elizabeth - look at her!" My feet somehow carried me to where Gram lay, and my heart sent a crashing wave through my body. Tears streaming down, I could only stare at the form in front of me. Lovely, peaceful, radiant and joyous can not even describe what I saw. Gram looked younger and brighter. Many of us marvelled that we had never seen anything like it. I thanked God for giving me one last look at "Gram", in such a state of beauty. It's true, she was lovely, yet she was no longer "there". Gram was transported to Glory, and had no more need of her earthly shell. Somehow, the amazing radiance we viewed then was for us, and us alone. Gram was "home".
The year since she passed has been a whirlwind, yet I still "see" her little form, stooped just a bit, guiding her walker around the corner to greet me in the living room. I stand at the stove, and remember being a young girl, watching Gram heat up leftovers in the old frying pan. I pull out her paring knife to peel an apple, smiling inside when my little one asks for the "peels", as I used to ask Gram.
I remember Gram often talking about all the girls at the Boylston Home whenever anyone asked if she stayed in touch with any of them as adults. She rarely, if ever, mentioned me. One day, licking my wounds, I asked her why she never introduced me as a girl from "The Home", when questioned. Gram's eyes opened wide as she looked at me and said, "I didn't think of it. You're not a girl from The Home - you're "my" girl!"
I hope you will listen to the song in the following post. Gram was a dear wife, sister, mother, grandmother, friend and foster mother. But when it came to Jesus, she was, and still is, "His" girl!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Perspective
I received a comment from a faithful reader yesterday, urging me to keep writing, to keep encouraging others with the love of the Lord. I have meant to write much more often than I have, yet my life has swooped me up and carried me off in a thousand different directions in the past few months. My Christmas tree still stands in the living room due to my rushed schedule. I logged over one hundred hours working last week. The kids have school and sports, and had (what seemed like) a super-long holiday vacation, throwing everything off-kilter. These are my excuses,anyway. I still worship, I still pray, I take five minutes every weekday morning to share a verse or thought with my sisters in Christ, yet the deep-down, soul drenching peace I one possessed is as elusive as a pleasant scent on a breezy day.
In a rare "brain break" at work today, I realized that what's changed is my perspective. Nothing has been really wrong, yet nothing has been really right, either. I still have the same old struggles which come from being a single mother, and all that entails. I have some tremendous blessings, which I am continuously grateful for, as well. I do have a considerable amount of daily stress, but I realize I'm not putting it all into perspective. I looked up the definition of the word. One entry states: "The faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship."
I heard once that people aren't going to want anything to do with my "Jesus" if my life is marked with the same anxiety and frustrations as everyone else. Why should the world care that I have a relationship with the Creator of the world, if it makes no difference in the way I react to my problems? It would be the same as dying of thirst from a drought with the rest of my community when I have a well in my possession which produces unlimited water. Common sense says that I would not only drink, but offer anyone and everyone around me the water they crave - and they would want the water, because they would see how it revived me! How sad that we so often choose to suffer because we don't drink from the well that Christ makes available to us every moment of every day. Equally sad is the fact that thirsty people around us know we have a "well" in our possession, yet they observe us choosing to deal with our own thirst the same way they do - neglecting the source that can refresh and hydrate our souls.
It explains the lack of peace in my own life. I sent a verse from Isaiah to my friends this morning: "Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee." I didn't have peace today because my mind was not fixed on Jesus. I know it, and I wrestle with God sometimes, asking Him how I could possibly keep my mind on Him when I'm faced with encounters with angry people, angry kids, broken promises, urgent needs - and the list goes on. My own limitations are tested, and I find that I can't focus on anything after a while.
The Lord answered me today, through scripture, as He often does. I was reminded of the following passage, which was quoted word for word by my foster father, "Grampy" (in the KJV at the time) in the final moments of the final message I ever heard him preach in the early '90's. Grampy's memory began to fail him near the end of his life, yet there was a time when he still remembered scripture, and could still pray to the Lord.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Phil 4:4-9)NIV
As I prepared to argue with God about how impossible it would be to have peace when dealing with a very difficult person, He reminded me to think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable. If I'm stressing about having too much on my plate, I can find perspective and focus on the promise of Jesus to never leave me. That thought alone is noble, right, pure, etc. There is not one situation I can ever encounter which has the power to rob me of my peace - I may not be able to control my outward circumstances, but with God's help, I can control my focus. He can take my frustrations, stress, disappointments and anger, and flood my soul with pure and noble thoughts. There's another verse that fits perfectly with this passage: As a man thinks within himself, so is he (Prov. 23:7a)
I want to be the woman who keeps everything in perspective. That perspective begins in my hidden thoughts. Having perspective doesn't mean that I wait until life gets easier to be happy or peaceful. It means that I see the "big picture", and I choose to dwell on those things that God says says will bring peace.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to you again, as your headstrong adopted daughter, and I thank You for being more patient than any earthly father could ever be! I know you've taught me these lessons over and over, yet I read them again as though seeing them for the first time! Thank You for showing me how to have peace, and for being close at all times. Please help me to continue blessing others along the way! In Jesus' name...
In a rare "brain break" at work today, I realized that what's changed is my perspective. Nothing has been really wrong, yet nothing has been really right, either. I still have the same old struggles which come from being a single mother, and all that entails. I have some tremendous blessings, which I am continuously grateful for, as well. I do have a considerable amount of daily stress, but I realize I'm not putting it all into perspective. I looked up the definition of the word. One entry states: "The faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship."
I heard once that people aren't going to want anything to do with my "Jesus" if my life is marked with the same anxiety and frustrations as everyone else. Why should the world care that I have a relationship with the Creator of the world, if it makes no difference in the way I react to my problems? It would be the same as dying of thirst from a drought with the rest of my community when I have a well in my possession which produces unlimited water. Common sense says that I would not only drink, but offer anyone and everyone around me the water they crave - and they would want the water, because they would see how it revived me! How sad that we so often choose to suffer because we don't drink from the well that Christ makes available to us every moment of every day. Equally sad is the fact that thirsty people around us know we have a "well" in our possession, yet they observe us choosing to deal with our own thirst the same way they do - neglecting the source that can refresh and hydrate our souls.
It explains the lack of peace in my own life. I sent a verse from Isaiah to my friends this morning: "Thou will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee." I didn't have peace today because my mind was not fixed on Jesus. I know it, and I wrestle with God sometimes, asking Him how I could possibly keep my mind on Him when I'm faced with encounters with angry people, angry kids, broken promises, urgent needs - and the list goes on. My own limitations are tested, and I find that I can't focus on anything after a while.
The Lord answered me today, through scripture, as He often does. I was reminded of the following passage, which was quoted word for word by my foster father, "Grampy" (in the KJV at the time) in the final moments of the final message I ever heard him preach in the early '90's. Grampy's memory began to fail him near the end of his life, yet there was a time when he still remembered scripture, and could still pray to the Lord.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Phil 4:4-9)NIV
As I prepared to argue with God about how impossible it would be to have peace when dealing with a very difficult person, He reminded me to think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable. If I'm stressing about having too much on my plate, I can find perspective and focus on the promise of Jesus to never leave me. That thought alone is noble, right, pure, etc. There is not one situation I can ever encounter which has the power to rob me of my peace - I may not be able to control my outward circumstances, but with God's help, I can control my focus. He can take my frustrations, stress, disappointments and anger, and flood my soul with pure and noble thoughts. There's another verse that fits perfectly with this passage: As a man thinks within himself, so is he (Prov. 23:7a)
I want to be the woman who keeps everything in perspective. That perspective begins in my hidden thoughts. Having perspective doesn't mean that I wait until life gets easier to be happy or peaceful. It means that I see the "big picture", and I choose to dwell on those things that God says says will bring peace.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to you again, as your headstrong adopted daughter, and I thank You for being more patient than any earthly father could ever be! I know you've taught me these lessons over and over, yet I read them again as though seeing them for the first time! Thank You for showing me how to have peace, and for being close at all times. Please help me to continue blessing others along the way! In Jesus' name...
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Re-gifting
The holidays always seem like a mixed bag to me. At Bible Study this past week, we were asked to share some Christmas memories from our pasts. Other than my younger married years, predicting Christmas was impossible. At the home for girls where I lived as a youngster, Christmas was about carols and company. This was where I first learned about God coming to earth as a baby. It was a joyous time! Many a Christmas Eve found girls being picked up by family or friends to share in a small gathering. Mine was no different. My father came a few times to bring my sisters and me to wherever he lived at the time. I dreaded these times with him. All that was good and lovely seemed to get drowned in his drinking, with smoke from his cigarettes swirling around our heads. I usually went back to the girls' home with a headache and stomach-ache.
After Dad took us girls out of the home for good, he became a Jehovah's Witness, and eliminated Christmas completely from our home. One of his wives demanded that she be able to have a tree, so for a while, a Christmas tree was up all year long. He conceded, as long as the tree didn't signify Christmas on December 25.
I was able to celebrate some Christmas's with Gram and Grampy at their home, and those were the best times! Gram never drove a car, and Grampy wasn't a Christmas shopper, so imagine my surprise when I came out of my room on Christmas morning to find money all over the tree! Grampy said if I could name the president's, I could have the bills. I named them all the way up to Andrew Jackson! I just loved how Grampy teased me with a twinkle in his eye.
Later on, as I was a homeless teenager, I would take whatever was given me for my December birthday and either sell it to buy presents for Christmas, or I would simply re-gift the items. I poignantly remember a Cabbage Patch Kids doll sent to me by my sister, Robyn, from Japan. Robyn was stationed there for over a year. When I told someone at work what I got for my birthday, the bidding wars began for my doll. The Cabbage Patch craze was over the top that year, and hardly any could be found at the stores. This doll was still in the box, with Japanese writing and a Japanese birth certificate. I watched as the highest bidder clutched the doll and headed to her car for the holiday break.
As we all looked around our table at Bible Study this week, we were amazed at how many of us were struggling. A few months ago, we had decided to find a family to help for the holidays this year. Since that time, family after family has been faced with hardship. One couple is counting the days when they don't need to drive around in their car to get warm. The heating bill was just too high to pay. Another family is dealing with job loss. One single grandmother is searching for a way to raise her grandchild while burning the midnight oil at work. Hours at work have been cut back for another woman. We have a "senior saint" who is still waiting for senior housing. We all shared a laugh as one person piped up, "The joke was on us!", remembering the day when we were all prepared to share in buying gifts for a family less fortunate.
There was no bitterness in our laughter, and yet, we wondered what we could possibly give this year. I thought back to my time of re-gifting. Christmas is the time of year we want to give - but so often we get bogged down with the shopping, the stores, the empty bank account, and in our family, even the lack of food can get discouraging. What could I possible re-gift this year? It hit me like a ton of bricks!
Jesus was the gift. Yes, the Magi brought him presents, but He, Himself was the gift to the entire world. I have received that gift by faith in His sacrifice on the cross. I will walk streets of gold one day. I'm going to have a mansion in heaven and be in His presence for all eternity. This is the one thing I can re-gift, which will never lose it's value and will only cost me a few minutes of my time. Jesus is beautifully wrapped in the books of the Bible. He is on every single page, from Genesis to Revelation. If I could just give one Bible this year to one person, it would be the most valuable present I have ever re-gifted.
No matter what your budget or your plans this year - perhaps in your travels you might offer a smile, and encouraging word, a personal testimony, and then leave someone with God's Word with the miracle of Christ's birth highlighted for them. I plan to go through my New Testament and personally highlight each verse which points to the plan of salvation!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please prepare a stranger's heart to receive Your gift through me. I have no plan - no one in mind - just a desire to share you. While it may be easier to lay Your Word down in some public place and hope it reaches someone, please give me courage to carry this gift with me until You show me who to personally give it to. Thank you for Christmas, and for wanting me to re-gift the present you so freely gave to me!
In Jesus Name...
After Dad took us girls out of the home for good, he became a Jehovah's Witness, and eliminated Christmas completely from our home. One of his wives demanded that she be able to have a tree, so for a while, a Christmas tree was up all year long. He conceded, as long as the tree didn't signify Christmas on December 25.
I was able to celebrate some Christmas's with Gram and Grampy at their home, and those were the best times! Gram never drove a car, and Grampy wasn't a Christmas shopper, so imagine my surprise when I came out of my room on Christmas morning to find money all over the tree! Grampy said if I could name the president's, I could have the bills. I named them all the way up to Andrew Jackson! I just loved how Grampy teased me with a twinkle in his eye.
Later on, as I was a homeless teenager, I would take whatever was given me for my December birthday and either sell it to buy presents for Christmas, or I would simply re-gift the items. I poignantly remember a Cabbage Patch Kids doll sent to me by my sister, Robyn, from Japan. Robyn was stationed there for over a year. When I told someone at work what I got for my birthday, the bidding wars began for my doll. The Cabbage Patch craze was over the top that year, and hardly any could be found at the stores. This doll was still in the box, with Japanese writing and a Japanese birth certificate. I watched as the highest bidder clutched the doll and headed to her car for the holiday break.
As we all looked around our table at Bible Study this week, we were amazed at how many of us were struggling. A few months ago, we had decided to find a family to help for the holidays this year. Since that time, family after family has been faced with hardship. One couple is counting the days when they don't need to drive around in their car to get warm. The heating bill was just too high to pay. Another family is dealing with job loss. One single grandmother is searching for a way to raise her grandchild while burning the midnight oil at work. Hours at work have been cut back for another woman. We have a "senior saint" who is still waiting for senior housing. We all shared a laugh as one person piped up, "The joke was on us!", remembering the day when we were all prepared to share in buying gifts for a family less fortunate.
There was no bitterness in our laughter, and yet, we wondered what we could possibly give this year. I thought back to my time of re-gifting. Christmas is the time of year we want to give - but so often we get bogged down with the shopping, the stores, the empty bank account, and in our family, even the lack of food can get discouraging. What could I possible re-gift this year? It hit me like a ton of bricks!
Jesus was the gift. Yes, the Magi brought him presents, but He, Himself was the gift to the entire world. I have received that gift by faith in His sacrifice on the cross. I will walk streets of gold one day. I'm going to have a mansion in heaven and be in His presence for all eternity. This is the one thing I can re-gift, which will never lose it's value and will only cost me a few minutes of my time. Jesus is beautifully wrapped in the books of the Bible. He is on every single page, from Genesis to Revelation. If I could just give one Bible this year to one person, it would be the most valuable present I have ever re-gifted.
No matter what your budget or your plans this year - perhaps in your travels you might offer a smile, and encouraging word, a personal testimony, and then leave someone with God's Word with the miracle of Christ's birth highlighted for them. I plan to go through my New Testament and personally highlight each verse which points to the plan of salvation!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please prepare a stranger's heart to receive Your gift through me. I have no plan - no one in mind - just a desire to share you. While it may be easier to lay Your Word down in some public place and hope it reaches someone, please give me courage to carry this gift with me until You show me who to personally give it to. Thank you for Christmas, and for wanting me to re-gift the present you so freely gave to me!
In Jesus Name...
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Pressed Down, Shaken Together
Holidays always cause me to reminisce about childhood memories here at Gram's home. The excitement and sense of love and happiness permeated every corner of this lovely home. A few days before, we would begin cleaning and dusting the house. When Thanksgiving came, the good dishes came out of the hutch, the turkey was in the oven and knocks began at the door. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade would be in the background and we would all stop from time to time to watch the various floats go by (my favorite was Snoopy). In poured the family - aunts, uncles and cousins. It was not unusual for there to be twenty to thirty of us in the home as grandkids brought their own young children in latter years. We kids would find places to talk and play while the women rolled up their sleeves, smiling and sometimes giggling in the kitchen together. Grampy would be home from his annual 'hunting' trip (he was relentlessly ribbed by his hunting buddy's that he never once shot a deer), his big grin evident at the head of the table. Card tables were draped with tablecloths and pushed against the long dining room table, and we all finally sat down to pray and thank the Lord for family, friends, and another year together. After the meal, the football game was turned on and everyone lounged around the living room, some quietly playing games, others lost in conversation. It was serene and peaceful, and my young heart would nearly burst with joy at being with my family again.
Last Thanksgiving, a few of us remained around the table with my little Gram. How things had changed! Gram was tiny and frail and all of us kids were parents and some were grandparents themselves. Family times were now spent at other homes, with other traditions. I felt joy well up inside me as I looked around the table at the people I loved so dearly. Meredith, my daughter Shelli, and I were the ones in the kitchen. Paul and the boys spent time in the living room with Gram. Though things had changed so very much, there was a bond, with Gram at the center of our Thanksgiving. She had asked us all to write down four things we were thankful for. When Gram's turn came, she was thankful she was an American, as well as having lived a long, healthy life, and was very thankful for a new little great-grandson who was born on her birthday just a month prior. Our little band of eight bowed our heads in thankfulness to the Lord.
When Gram went to heaven in January, I knew things would change. I almost dreaded the holidays coming up. I didn't want things to change, and I still miss her so much! I figured the kids would go to their dad's and I could just sit on the couch with my bathrobe on, watching the Macy's parade. Little did I realize as the year unfolded, that God would bring friends and 'family' into my life in such an abundant way!
After Gram passed, I found a place to work in which I am able to bless the elderly every day! Though my physical limitations prevents me from doing the things I used to be able to do, I work for a family owned business which allows me to excel in other ways. Each life I am able to touch is a blessing to me! God brought Christian women into my workplace to encourage and bless the office just by walking through the door. Most mornings, we greet each other via text messaging and share an encouraging thought or a verse to start the day. My little girl is able to minister to the elderly in nursing homes regularly by singing, dancing, hugging and loving the dear people who sometimes have no one who cares. God brought amazing friends into our lives this year, in a way that has never happened in my prior 43 years!
Yes, I am still a struggling single mother. There are days which seem to flatten me physically and emotionally. I desperately miss my Gram and Grampy so much, especially when the bittersweet memories of days gone by crowd in around the holidays, but I am blessed beyond measure. All I have to do is look around me and see the blessings of new found friends and 'family', and I am brought to my knees in gratitude for the way the Lord has provided!
Grampy used to quote verses all day long. They were a comfort to me, and I never tired of listening to him. He was my hero, the love of my little life back then. Over time, as he quoted scripture in day-to-day conversation, they began to 'stick' in my heart. One verse which he quoted often comes to mind today as I look around in awe at all the Lord has done:
Luke 6:38
Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”
Grampy used to describe this verse as a box of cereal. You can fill the box to the top, but if you shake it and press it down, you can add even more! Each time you shake and press, there is room for more and more blessings to be added! Imagine the blessings God has for you, pressed down, shaken together and running over!
It is almost time to start getting ready to go. I thought I might just putter around the house today with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and feel sorry for myself, but my 'family' wouldn't hear of it. We are going to a place of warm embraces and boundless love. The kids will hear laughter and fall on their pillows with wonderful memories etched in their minds. Memories that will comfort and bless them for years to come. It just doesn't get any better than that!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you so very much for memories! Help us all to savor each moment we have with loved ones and friends, for these memories will be engraved in our minds to comfort us when life inevitably changes. May we not look back to the past as the 'best days', but may we look forward and delight in what is here and now. There are times I succumb to deep loneliness, wondering how anything will ever be the same again. I thank You for Your comfort in the valleys, and Your reminder that there will come a day when we will have a family reunion that will last forever! In Jesus' name...
Last Thanksgiving, a few of us remained around the table with my little Gram. How things had changed! Gram was tiny and frail and all of us kids were parents and some were grandparents themselves. Family times were now spent at other homes, with other traditions. I felt joy well up inside me as I looked around the table at the people I loved so dearly. Meredith, my daughter Shelli, and I were the ones in the kitchen. Paul and the boys spent time in the living room with Gram. Though things had changed so very much, there was a bond, with Gram at the center of our Thanksgiving. She had asked us all to write down four things we were thankful for. When Gram's turn came, she was thankful she was an American, as well as having lived a long, healthy life, and was very thankful for a new little great-grandson who was born on her birthday just a month prior. Our little band of eight bowed our heads in thankfulness to the Lord.
When Gram went to heaven in January, I knew things would change. I almost dreaded the holidays coming up. I didn't want things to change, and I still miss her so much! I figured the kids would go to their dad's and I could just sit on the couch with my bathrobe on, watching the Macy's parade. Little did I realize as the year unfolded, that God would bring friends and 'family' into my life in such an abundant way!
After Gram passed, I found a place to work in which I am able to bless the elderly every day! Though my physical limitations prevents me from doing the things I used to be able to do, I work for a family owned business which allows me to excel in other ways. Each life I am able to touch is a blessing to me! God brought Christian women into my workplace to encourage and bless the office just by walking through the door. Most mornings, we greet each other via text messaging and share an encouraging thought or a verse to start the day. My little girl is able to minister to the elderly in nursing homes regularly by singing, dancing, hugging and loving the dear people who sometimes have no one who cares. God brought amazing friends into our lives this year, in a way that has never happened in my prior 43 years!
Yes, I am still a struggling single mother. There are days which seem to flatten me physically and emotionally. I desperately miss my Gram and Grampy so much, especially when the bittersweet memories of days gone by crowd in around the holidays, but I am blessed beyond measure. All I have to do is look around me and see the blessings of new found friends and 'family', and I am brought to my knees in gratitude for the way the Lord has provided!
Grampy used to quote verses all day long. They were a comfort to me, and I never tired of listening to him. He was my hero, the love of my little life back then. Over time, as he quoted scripture in day-to-day conversation, they began to 'stick' in my heart. One verse which he quoted often comes to mind today as I look around in awe at all the Lord has done:
Luke 6:38
Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”
Grampy used to describe this verse as a box of cereal. You can fill the box to the top, but if you shake it and press it down, you can add even more! Each time you shake and press, there is room for more and more blessings to be added! Imagine the blessings God has for you, pressed down, shaken together and running over!
It is almost time to start getting ready to go. I thought I might just putter around the house today with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and feel sorry for myself, but my 'family' wouldn't hear of it. We are going to a place of warm embraces and boundless love. The kids will hear laughter and fall on their pillows with wonderful memories etched in their minds. Memories that will comfort and bless them for years to come. It just doesn't get any better than that!
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you so very much for memories! Help us all to savor each moment we have with loved ones and friends, for these memories will be engraved in our minds to comfort us when life inevitably changes. May we not look back to the past as the 'best days', but may we look forward and delight in what is here and now. There are times I succumb to deep loneliness, wondering how anything will ever be the same again. I thank You for Your comfort in the valleys, and Your reminder that there will come a day when we will have a family reunion that will last forever! In Jesus' name...
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Don't Miss the Promises!
What has God asked you to do that you are putting off? That was the question posed by my pastor this morning from the pulpit as he relayed the message from the first chapter of Haggai. The children of Israel were building homes for themselves since returning from exile, yet their consensus was that it wasn't the right time to rebuild the temple. Though they were doing all the other right things, God's instruction was not their priority. "You have sown much, and bring in little; You eat, but do not have enough; You drink, but are not filled with drink; You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm; and he who earns wages, earns wages to put into a bag of holes." (Haggai 1:6) And yet, "I am with you," says the Lord. (vs 13b)
I needed that message. I believe God has prompted, encouraged and made it clear to me to write about Him through many years of my life. When my heart is not right with God, I stop writing. It seems that nothing comes to me naturally in my times of drought. Since my writing is about my relationship with the Lord, it doesn't seem appropriate for me to ever put my thoughts down to share if I have not first approach Him in humble and earnest prayer. What's the cure for an arid, barren soul when creativity and joy elude me? Go back to the beginning - the first seeds of the dream and find out what has stolen my joy. Without fail, I can always trace my lack of motivation to something in my own heart that isn't right with my Savior.
I have been reading over and over again in the Old Testament about the Israelites straying from the Lord. He raised up prophets to bring warnings to them, and usually the warnings went hand in hand with an alternate promise for restoration and blessings as well. It all hinged on the choices they made next - not that "works" impress the Lord. There's nothing we can do in our lives to make Him love us any more than He does right now, and on the flip side, there's also nothing we can do to cause Him to love us any less. No, but the Israelite's actions in response to the prophets' warnings or blessing would reflect the condition of their hearts.
As I was reading this scenario repeatedly in the Old testament in my devotional time, I really wondered why the Children of Israel couldn't seem to get excited about the promises of God. At the same time, I have had to ask myself that same question. In my own life, when I get so overwhelmed with the immediate issues and needs in my own little world, I tend to skim over the blessings promised in the Bible, become hardened to them or worse - I secretly wonder if His blessings are for other, better people. I miss His love and grace all too often as I focus on my own achievements or lack therof as the catalyst for all that He has already offered to me in His Word. In reality, He is still living in me, with all the power of the Holy Spirit. When I secretly struggle with Him over control of my life, my ears become deaf to His love and promises - just like the Israelites.
Picture your Father, standing in front of you with a beautifully wrapped gift containing the thing He has personally chosen for you - something He knows will bring joy to your heart! Now picture Him as he watches you set the gift aside without unwrapping it to walk out the door with your head down because you know your relationship with Him has grown cold! The promises are still as bright, but your heavy heart has made you indifferent and distant.
So the question is - what has God asked you to do that you aren't doing? More importantly - why aren't you? I'm so thankful that I receive the blessings that come from obedience to His prompting when I sit down to write! Writing is not only a gift God has so graciously given to me, wrapped up in the beauty of His love - it is also a gift I can give back to Him! When I can meditate on His promises as I pray for grace to obey, I am whole. You have a purpose that is unique to you, and it is a gift from the Lord. Go back to the beginning and find that joyous seed in your soul. Remember the dream placed in your heart long ago that just won't die? Dust yourself off, take hold of His hand and allow Him to breathe His promise to never leave you as He equips you to do the thing He created you for. What are you waiting for?
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for your promises. May I never allow the noise, worry or frustration of sin to drown out Your gently whispered promises. When You chose to describe Yourself in one word, You chose the word love. Please help me to remember that You, in your lovingkindness and mercy, have drawn me to You. Though I will never comprehend the depth and height, width or breadth, please keep my heart soft and my ears open to all You have to say to me. Please help us all to put aside whatever hinders, open our ears to Your calling, embrace the gifts You are offering, and then offer them back to you as we seek to do Your will. In Jesus name...
I needed that message. I believe God has prompted, encouraged and made it clear to me to write about Him through many years of my life. When my heart is not right with God, I stop writing. It seems that nothing comes to me naturally in my times of drought. Since my writing is about my relationship with the Lord, it doesn't seem appropriate for me to ever put my thoughts down to share if I have not first approach Him in humble and earnest prayer. What's the cure for an arid, barren soul when creativity and joy elude me? Go back to the beginning - the first seeds of the dream and find out what has stolen my joy. Without fail, I can always trace my lack of motivation to something in my own heart that isn't right with my Savior.
I have been reading over and over again in the Old Testament about the Israelites straying from the Lord. He raised up prophets to bring warnings to them, and usually the warnings went hand in hand with an alternate promise for restoration and blessings as well. It all hinged on the choices they made next - not that "works" impress the Lord. There's nothing we can do in our lives to make Him love us any more than He does right now, and on the flip side, there's also nothing we can do to cause Him to love us any less. No, but the Israelite's actions in response to the prophets' warnings or blessing would reflect the condition of their hearts.
As I was reading this scenario repeatedly in the Old testament in my devotional time, I really wondered why the Children of Israel couldn't seem to get excited about the promises of God. At the same time, I have had to ask myself that same question. In my own life, when I get so overwhelmed with the immediate issues and needs in my own little world, I tend to skim over the blessings promised in the Bible, become hardened to them or worse - I secretly wonder if His blessings are for other, better people. I miss His love and grace all too often as I focus on my own achievements or lack therof as the catalyst for all that He has already offered to me in His Word. In reality, He is still living in me, with all the power of the Holy Spirit. When I secretly struggle with Him over control of my life, my ears become deaf to His love and promises - just like the Israelites.
Picture your Father, standing in front of you with a beautifully wrapped gift containing the thing He has personally chosen for you - something He knows will bring joy to your heart! Now picture Him as he watches you set the gift aside without unwrapping it to walk out the door with your head down because you know your relationship with Him has grown cold! The promises are still as bright, but your heavy heart has made you indifferent and distant.
So the question is - what has God asked you to do that you aren't doing? More importantly - why aren't you? I'm so thankful that I receive the blessings that come from obedience to His prompting when I sit down to write! Writing is not only a gift God has so graciously given to me, wrapped up in the beauty of His love - it is also a gift I can give back to Him! When I can meditate on His promises as I pray for grace to obey, I am whole. You have a purpose that is unique to you, and it is a gift from the Lord. Go back to the beginning and find that joyous seed in your soul. Remember the dream placed in your heart long ago that just won't die? Dust yourself off, take hold of His hand and allow Him to breathe His promise to never leave you as He equips you to do the thing He created you for. What are you waiting for?
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for your promises. May I never allow the noise, worry or frustration of sin to drown out Your gently whispered promises. When You chose to describe Yourself in one word, You chose the word love. Please help me to remember that You, in your lovingkindness and mercy, have drawn me to You. Though I will never comprehend the depth and height, width or breadth, please keep my heart soft and my ears open to all You have to say to me. Please help us all to put aside whatever hinders, open our ears to Your calling, embrace the gifts You are offering, and then offer them back to you as we seek to do Your will. In Jesus name...
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